I'm a mom. God help me.

Do you ever have those moments where the weight of someone's words sink into your heart in a weird way and become so real and true... and frightening? That happened to me this morning. I was on the way out into the yard with my son and all he said was, "You want to play with me mom?"

Mom. MOM.

I'm a mom. I'm a mom of THREE. I'm his mom. He depends on me. He trusts me. He needs me. A small surge of panic welled up in me for a few split seconds as thoughts raced through my head, thoughts like "I am so unorganized. I'm mean in the morning. I'm reactive and kind of immature. My purse is a mess. I steal Jeremy's socks because I don't own any. I should buy some... He DEPENDS on me?"

And then I took a deep breath. I am a mom and I am so human, flawed and at times so ridiculous. God help me. Help me to pour myself out when I want to hold on to my reserves. Help me to rely on YOU. Remind me to buy some socks. Amen.

God help me. I need to say this a gazillion times a day... and then I need to calm down. Because I won't magically become the mom I think I should be in my head. I'm not even sure she exists. God is well aware of my weaknesses and short comings and He still chose me to be mom to these three little goons, socks or no socks. So I can do the best I can and let the grace of God smooth out the rough edges.